Category: Personal Diaries

I have spent my whole life thinking about everything. And like many doing the same, I might be closer to the answers, however, never less confused.

But some people like me just hate being confused, so they choose to believe something, or to get themselves crazy (joking), like that I choose to become a determinist as well as an atheist. My father has become a Buddhist since I was still a little kid, and actually I was always afraid of other people knowing that my father believed in that thing, which in my little eyes was stupid. I don’t know much more about Buddhism than I did, but I get to know more answer-like opinions which help me look into the world from better angles. And it turns out things I believe don’t seem to be much wiser than those religions.

We are dust in the universe.

I should be counted as an admirer of the nature. I stop everywhere to feel it, to feel the beauty, the strength, the details and everything that makes me feel that I am there. And of course, sometimes I just can’t help thinking about death, after which I would never be able to feel anything. Because I believe at that time, my consciousness would have again become part of the mind of the universe, and that amazing thing would never be able to feel myself any more. That’s sad, but the same time I am so curious about the mind of the universe. When I start dying someday, I hope I would get a second or two to take a glance at that great mystery.

But no, I don’t think I would get that chance, and that’s really a pity of choosing what I choose to believe.

One of the opinion I believe is that the universe is nothing and can’t even be defined by nothing, as no word can be used to describe it. Actually it makes people even sadder comparing to thinking about their consciousnesses being just illusions. And it brought me depression for a quite long time, but finally I became able to separate it from my real life and continue the meaningless everything. 🙂

Dust. But still amazing.

Weeks ago when I was on the road aside a river, from the subway station to the bus station in Chengdu, again I saw people sitting on benches, and enjoying their afternoon. Suddenly I was touched. Most people around me are just pursuing really simple and easy lives. But I was just trying to ask them to give up their way of life and accept something they might not want, so called liberty and democracy.

Though actually, I have successfully brought the mind of those two things to many people around me, and I am still proud of that.

In my philosophy, to a question without any assumption, namely an ultimate question, proving whether a self-consistent answer is true or false might be impossible. So I think I should accept an opinion that says there is not a value which is universal. But on the other way, since we are not able to know whether an answer is true, we may want to believe one of them. And that’s what I call belief.

People might have several believes as they might be the answers to different questions. Like many people believe liberty and democracy are universal values as they also believe in God or maybe some other principles?

I am really into the theory of evolution as I find it explains many things in our life, and our society, other than the evolution of creatures. It might be the most interesting case as this theory is used on cultures and societies. As countries like United States are promoting the value of every single person (which is my type), countries like China are talking about the whole nation. Which one is better? Or even more straightforward, which one is correct? The answer in my opinion might not satisfy you but is really simple. You can’t tell the correctness without assuming universal values. However, so far, these two kinds of societies both exist on our mother planet, and both of them seem to be moving forward along with the progressing of human beings.

I am not saying that the CPC is doing great, just expressing the idea that I accept such a value of putting all the people together. But every thing has levels, and there are indeed some common wishes of human beings. Such as better life quality, less limitation, maybe also a louder voice etc.

In the final examination of a course called Basic Principles of Marxism, which is an obligatory course of every university student in China, the last question is: Explain why Communism will finally take the place of so called Capitalism. The first line of my answer is that: I don’t think Communism will finally take the place of Capitalism. (And yes I failed that exam.) As a student living with Internet, I understand both of these two things have their own advantages. And I also believe, the barrier in these two things is productive force. As it grows, we might see an earth with no boundary one day. The country under which institution will reach that point first? I believe it’s closer to the one that China has.

But I am just saying CLOSER, not IS. China needs to be reformed before this giant machine is able to run more (much much more) efficiently. The governments need the trust of their people, but from the things they have done or are working on, instead of fooling and using violence. People are not wise, but balloons will finally explode.

I understand all my thoughts about this topic might be facial, but I am still glad to share. I might some day immigrate to the U.S. if I am able to, as I want a free Internet and simpler social circles. Maybe also a place where I would be able to find a girlfriend, lol.